


Suffocating

by CiaranthePage



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Night Terrors, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Spoilers for ep 67 obv, lup got a body somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-06 03:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiaranthePage/pseuds/CiaranthePage
Summary: He was suffocating.Taako didn't understand what was happening, but he knew he couldn't breathe or hear. Something thick and cold was coating his throat, clogging the passage, making him choke and gag. His lungs felt stuck together, glued from the inside and unable to move. His long ears felt as though they were on fire, burning so hard they didn’t work. He tried to get words out, tried to reach out to someone, anyone, who might be there, who could help him out of whatever he was caught in.see the note for a super small warning





	Suffocating

**Author's Note:**

> two fics on one day??? after disappearing for over a month?? neither of which have to do with what i said i'd do???  
> (it's more likely than you think)  
> anyway i didn't think it was worth the body horror tag but please be warned that his panic attack is pretty bad and involves a lot of description of bad feelings and the feeling of unattached limbs (as in they're actually still there but it doesn't feel like it)  
> also there's some kinda implied taakitz there but it's like one (1) line so i didn't bother tagging it lmao

He was suffocating.

 

Taako didn't understand what was happening, but he knew he couldn't breathe or hear. Something thick and cold was coating his throat, clogging the passage, making him choke and gag. His lungs felt stuck together, glued from the inside and unable to move. His long ears felt as though they were on fire, burning so hard they didn’t work. He tried to get words out, tried to reach out to someone, _anyone_ , who might be there, who could help him out of whatever he was caught in. Instead, he made no sound and found only swimming, dark shapes, the fuzz in the night turned to slime and creeping around him in currents with no pattern. A gurgled screaming roared in his ears, and the iron fist of frozen fear around his heart grew tighter as he realized he didn’t know where he _was_ anymore. His lungs and diaphragm struggled to so much as twitch; every movement of struggle only made him feel more trapped. He couldn't keep his eyes open without his throat clenching as if preparing to vomit. Something slick and soft (was that the word?) pinned one arm to his side. Something else warped his saliva into a weapon turned against him, gluing his tongue to his bottom teeth. He tried to force himself to take deep breaths, tried to listen to the voice in his head soothing him and telling him to ground himself.

 

Except, he felt no ground. He felt nothing but the trap wound around him and the thick substance in his throat chilling him to the bone. He _could_ feel his limbs, though only distantly. His right arm was thrashing, fighting some unseen assailant with weak, recently declawed swipes. His left was the one pinned to him, flexing uselessly. His left leg was made of static, and his right had decided to follow the example of Merle's soul wood arm and take up residence two feet away from Taako. His head and body were two feet apart, connected only by the thick tube of slime buzzing with his attempts at speaking. His face was wet and sticky and _oh god is that blood_. The stench of it took his entire sense of smell hostage, forcing him to relive so much, too much, oh god, the trail of bodies he'd left behind was too big, too long, too crowded, he was a monster with the blood of a hundred worlds and one small town on his hands.

 

A sound tore through the barrier in his throat; a choked scream, both hands curling into themselves in an attempt to hide. The scream gave way to a sharp intake of breath followed by his throat reclosing and suffocating him once again as his entire body went limp, his shoulders slumping as he tried to keep himself together.

 

Something moved. He jumped and struggled to move backward, looking for somewhere safe. Taako was elf-fifteen again, watching the shadows for signs of angry people and grasping his left hand at the empty void beneath it, desperately looking for the hand he'd always known was supposed to be there.

 

The light turned on. It forced its way into Taako's eyes, turning his room to masses of fuzzy color. He could not speak, could not think beyond that _need_ for someone there, someone to have his back and hold when things got rough or --

 

His arm was free. Someone had taken his hand, held it gently, was talking to him. That same voice that had been telling him to breathe. He still couldn't, not through the slime in his throat, but his vision was tuning into the source of the voice. A figure came into view, with short hair and long ears pointed at the bed below them.

 

“--aako?”

 

She sounded insistent as if she'd already said his name a few times. He stared at her newly painted red fingernails, resting alongside his chipped red ones, feeling his limbs and head reattach themselves as the bed rematerialized underneath him, his fleece meditation blanket resting against his side. His ears began to cool down, and he could feel them flattened against his head.

 

“Can you hear me now? You can just squeeze my hand if you can't talk, okay?”

 

His fingers tightened in hers, and the smell of blood started to fade.

 

“Taako, look at me.”

 

His eyes moved up, matched their mirror images, and Lup breathed a sigh of relief. “You started freaking out while you were meditating,” she explained slowly. “I couldn’t get you to snap out of it. I'm… well, worried. What's up?”

 

Taako kept staring at her. He didn't speak, but the thick chill in his throat began to fade away, his diaphragm and lungs warming up enough to move. Once he could take steady breaths again, he shuddered violently, and tears began to pour down his face, free at last to flow. His breath turned choppy and he curled inwards, still clutching Lup’s hand. He stayed as silent as the empty hallways outside their door even as he continued to shake hard enough to send waves of pain down his back. Tears started down Lup's face, too; she wrapped Taako in her arms and clung to him, whispering that it was going to be okay. His arms found themselves around her as he cried his heart out, shuddering and burying himself in his sister’s embrace, reminding himself that there was someone here, he had that  _someone_ here to pull him back. Several minutes passed as he slowly calmed to a point where he could use his voice again.

 

“Lulu?” he croaked.

 

“Yeah Koko?”

 

“I missed you.”

 

“I missed you, too. Are you gonna be okay?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Did you have a vision while you were meditating?”

 

“Probably.”

 

“Was it about the Hunger?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Was it about me?”

 

“I think so.”

 

She took a deep breath, wiping her eyes and pulling slightly away. Just enough to see each other while still basically hugging. “I'm right here, Taako,” she promised. “I'm not going anywhere.”

 

Taako nodded, wiping his eyes and trying to focus on her face, to find the new, tiny differences between them that Wonderland had left. Lup noticed but said nothing, just took his hands in hers and put them in their laps. “Do you want to try sleeping?”

 

“No.”

 

“Meditating again?”

 

“...no.”

 

“Do you want to call Kravitz?”

 

“Not right now.”

 

“Do you wanna go make something?”

 

Taako fell silent, swallowed the last of the slime and managed a deep breath. The smell of blood was gone.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Super fudge brownies?”

 

The smallest smile broke the tear tracks, ears relaxing and resting lazily. “You know me too well.”

**Author's Note:**

> in case you wanted to know:  
> i said "declawed" bcus i usually draw/imagine taako with [long, sharp nails](http://opalsweaterqt.deviantart.com/art/ABRA-CA-FUCK-YOU-691793374), but i don't think he'd have them after the Hunger for a while? also bcus otherwise he would have _torn lup's face up_ while thrashing and i didn't want this to be that kind of panic attack fic  
>  this panic attack loosely based on the ones i have so hence the weirdly specific details?? tho mine aren't usually quite this intense.


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